Apr. 12th, 2004 @ 05:13 pm
First off, do NOT let the relationship that you have with your father disband. It is obviously very precious to you. If you feel as if you can not connect with him as much because of his new lifestyle, send him a card write him an e-mail. Anything to remind him that he is loved or missed. More likely than not he thinks about you often.
Next why do you feel the need to take second to your sister? I'm sure your father loves you both equally. Even if she seems to have more goals accomplished it is ok! Your time WILL come.
Last but not least, you mentioned the relationship between your parents. Not a very affectionate one? Well that could be one reason why you aren't that ok with relationships yourself. I could definitely be way off on this one but it is hard to tell. When you were in school were you the type of gal to have a lot more guy friends than girl friends? And every guy that you met thought that you were really great, but it never went on from that level? Do tell.
Last but not least, you mentioned the relationship between your parents. Not a very affectionate one? Well that could be one reason why you aren't that ok with relationships yourself.
I have thought about that as an explaination, but I always wondered why I turned out so different from my sisters. Both of them have always had a boyfriend since they were in elementary school. They are both very flirtatious and have always had boys around. Usually before they break up with someone, they already have the next one lined up. Not that my sister's relationships have been the healthiest ones, but I guess I've always sort of envied them that.
I am the opposite. No, I never did have male friends growing up. All of my friends were girls, I don't know why, it just happened like that. Even in High School and College, the only guys that I hung out with were the boyfriends of my friends or sisters. During my first year out of college, (my last year in Flagstaff) was the first time that I had quite a few male friends. I became friends with them through work, or through other friends and I spent a lot of time at parties and bars. This was a confusing time for me because a couple of them did show interest in me, just not the one I wanted
. . . And I didn't know how to handle that.
Now that I am back here I have only a few old friends from high school, and my sister and cousin to spend time with. I have asked all of these friends to please keep me in mind and introduce me to any single men they know, but they haven't yet. Mostly they say they just don't know anyone who is good enough for me. Now that's a sad thought.
Never settle for less
We'll start off with the subject of the matter: "NEVER SETTLE FOR LESS!" No matter what do not lower your standards. If your friends tell you that they have yet to meet anyone with your potential or the qualities that you look for in a guy then GOOD! At least they know not to lower your standards, right?
Another thing I have to address would have to be the way you are looking for guys. I think you're trying too hard. Like I said before, your time will come. You can't force something like this. I'm not saying to sit on your ass and avoid guys all together. But what I am saying is to maybe (please do not take this the wrong way) look so desperate. Guys/people in general can sense that. I mean, can't you tell when a guy is totally looking for someone, anyone? It's very obvious and could definately be a turn-off. So look out for that next time.
And now, like always, I will end with a question.
Do you find yourself liking guys who are unavailable to you?
Answer this and I will get back to you.
Re: Never settle for less
Well I liked the first part of your post, about not lowering my standards. Everybody tells me my standards are too high. I don't know that that's true. . . I'm sure there are some decent guys out there (arent there??).
But I have to dissagree, I'm pretty sure I don't come off as desparate. I'm actually worried that the opposite is true, I give off a vibe that I am not available. I don't get approached by guys because I don't really want
to be approached. Because it would make me nervous and uncomfortable and I would probably turn them down anyway.
And I don't flirt. I always thought that was my problem. When there is a guy you could be interested in you are supposed to flirt with them, but I don't really know how. I think that's why they would see me as a friend before they would see me as girlfriend material.
I'm not usually attracted to guys who are unavailable, I just don't know how to get them. I rarely am attracted to someone (I've had about 4 big crushes in the last 8 years). They all were single and available when I became interested in them but they get snatched up before i get the guts to tell them how I feel, or I end up too far in the "friend zone", or we don't even become friends and we graduate and I never see him again. Also when I have one of these crushes, there is no way that anybody else will be good enough for me. That's why I'm too picky. I want to learn to be more open to the possibility of love, or else how will it ever happen for me?
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