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Parental Ignorance Passed On Oct. 15th, 2005 @ 01:35 pm
parentponderer
I was one of the children raised by a drunk and a drop-out and felt the collision of their worlds.

I was the child watching her mom travel in and out of many drunken relationships.

I was the teen taken advantage of and have memories that never die.

I was the teen without any bounderies that didn't have family talks about the future.

We were the young, falling in love, or was it obsession?, without a clue to where it was going.

We were young parents that lacked communication, and social skills, that put us on a long, sometimes very hard road to adulthood.

We are the parents that tried to show our children that their voice was important, and had it used against us at times.

We are the parents that tried to stay strong while supporting our young adult's overwhelmingly hard decision that was made out of a frightened frame of mind? anxiety? selfishness? lack of confidence? unaccepted reality? Ours, hers, his, all?

We are the parents that are told "It's the least you could do, as parents" and wonder if that pressure was something that all parents feel.

We are the parents that have done our best, which includes the times when we fought, gave in, gave up, forgiven, forgot.

I am the woman that knows I cannot change what has been done but am reminded every day that I should have done things differently.

Dating, Stress, Anxiety, & What Seems Like The Living Dead Oct. 17th, 2004 @ 09:27 am
dr_dante

This is a message originally posted from the user syrusz that I managed to accidently delete.

 

Hello, I'm Matt. I accidentally found this community while studying the profiles of women I need to avoid on a daily basis. (IE: Psychotic women, masochists, megalomaniacs, self-mutilators, mentally unbalanced women, etc...) I live in Skokie, Illinois; a place that seems to be full of emotionally unstable women, and rude elderly people who have completely lost all of their humanity due to how they were raised as children.

My "quest" to find a healthy relationship began after my highschool girlfriend, aka: my first girlfriend, ruined my life. She didn't just break up with me after screaming a bunch of garbled insults over the phone. She took all of my friends away from me, she spread horrible gossip and nasty rumors about me to everyone, and then she magically made me invisible so that no one would acknowledge my existence as a human being. She did this, because she realized that I couldn't be manipulated, controlled, or easily turned into a "boy-toy" like most of the other guys in highschool. So, as someone who was invisible, I ended up spending my time in highschool by studying for exams, getting good grades, trying to be a good person, and avoiding a cafeteria filled with cave-men and superficial-snobby-girls. I was fortunate enough to have developed a few friends though, so I was able to gain some social skills in highschool. (WHEW! I'm not socially inept. YAY!)

Then came my most recent relationship with a woman from Park Ridge. She and I were both 21, and she seemed normal, at first, but, after our relationship became intimate, she revealed that she was really an emotional train-wreck waiting to happen at any moment. To sum up with a quick synopsis: She was a self-mutilator, she was mentally unbalanced, she was masochistic, she was psychotic, she kept having lots of severe medical problems because of a removed thyroid gland, she had been hospitalised at least once, most of the time she treated me like garbage, (At one point, she was going to make me walk from Skokie to Park Ridge at 5:30 in the morning because she didn't feel like picking me up or meeting me half way.) and she was also manic depressive. I, on the other hand, was great all throughout the relationship. I was kind, loving, caring, understanding, supportive, etc... I basically did everything that "The Complete Idiot's Guide To A Healthy Relationship" said to do. But, in the end, I learned that love isn't about solving other people's problems. I wanted a nice, equal, relationship with a kind, loving, mature, and preferably sane woman; A relationship where the work is 50%/50% instead of a relationship where I put forth all of my energy, and I get absolutely nothing back in return as a reward. Our relationship lasted for about a year, and, fortunately, she has not tried to contact me ever since we broke up.

I'm 23 now. I finally feel ready to try dating again, but it's really difficult when women from dating web sites email me, and then they immediately ask me for my major credit card number so that I can "see their webcams". I'm not interested in seeing these women naked on a webcam. If I want to see naked women, I can easily surf the internet, or buy a magazine, for adult material. I know, this might sound strange coming from a guy, because most guys aren't like this, but I've been traumatized by my relationships to the point where I would much rather talk and get to know a woman first rather than see a woman take off her clothes immediately. Unlike most men, I'm not a chauvinistic pig.

Unfortunately, it is extremely difficult difficult to find a woman over the internet who is not a computer program designed to ask for your major credit card, a marketing device used to fill people's emails up with spam, a tool of some sort of advertising company, etc... It's also extremely difficult to find a woman here in Skokie who hasn't lost her humanity, or who isn't supporting terrorism by dealing illegal drugs. (A NORMAL woman. How can I find a NORMAL woman.)

All of the parents, mothers and fathers, in Skokie have filled their children up with extremely poor moral-values. These children have currently grown up, and they are now the extremely rude people that I have to deal with on a daily basis. For example, the average mother in Skokie will nurture her daughter under the notion that if she marries a handsome, rich man, (AKA: The Prince Charming Story) then she will be set financially for the future. This is wrong, because the daughter will grow up as someone who believes that men should take care of all financial responsibility. Financial responsibility should be shared in a 50%/50% relationship. It shouldn't be placed on only one person. The average father in Skokie leaves all of the parenting skills upto the mother. The average father in Skokie takes absolutely no responsibility for his daughter. He'll let her do anything that she wants to do. This is also wrong. Positive moral-values are especially important in this case, because, without them, the daughter will grow up as someone who believes that she should always get everything that she wants. Such a poor moral-value turns the daughter into an extremely uptight, snobby-brat who will throw a temper-tantrum whenever she does not get her way.

Fortunately, my parents became divorced when I was still young, and I ended up living with my mother. Unfortunately, my parents are just like the other parents that live in Skokie. My mother has developed severe chronic-anxiety-attacks recently that have made it extremely difficult to live a normal life. Most recently, she "borrowed" $1,000.00 from my bank account, because she was afraid of not having enough money to pay for a bill. (She was able to do this because we have a joint-account.) This wouldn't normally be a problem, but she left me with absolutely nothing to survive on in my bank account. So here I am, in the present, surviving on a credit card, and on whatever spare change I can make from selling some of my dvd movies to local pawn shops. When she forces me to do things like this just so that I can eat food, she arouses feelings of contempt and hostility to the point where I seriously consider threatening to put her in a "bad nursing home" when she gets older. Please note though, that I would never actually do something like that. I love my mother very much, but I really wish that she would treat me like an adult now that I'm 23 years old.

She sometimes makes me feel as though my sanity is on the verge of fracturing into a million pieces. I often feel as though I'm not in control of anything in my life anymore. I've been getting extremely depressed recently, because she keeps treating me like an immature teenager instead of a mature adult. And every time I try to prove to her that I'm a mature adult by having a normal and extremely polite conversation, she suddenly gets angry and thinks that I'm overstepping my boundaries as her child. I'm taking multi-vitamins, and my therapist has me on 20mg of paxil per day in order to combat her anxiety-attacks. Believe me, it is helping a lot by making it so that I can focus past her B.S. The combination of multi-vitamins and paxil help me to form simple solutions to just about any kind of problems that my parent might create. (IE: Her taking almost all of my money away.) Although I eat healthy, regulare meals, I haven't been getting any exercise at all lately. I stopped hanging out with my friends, because I find my financial situation to be extremely embarassing. The fact that I'm pinching pennies from underneath couch cushions, and selling my own personal possessions, in order to afford something from the dollar menu at McDonalds is extremely sad. I don't know what else I can do besides secretly storing money in a box in my room until I can afford a place of my own. Any suggestions on how I can boost the chemicals in my brain on a daily basis would be greatly appreciated. (Drinking lots of caffiene, eating lots of sugar, getting more exercise, etc...)

-Matt


Hello Doctor Apr. 12th, 2004 @ 05:13 pm
bludiamond
My pathetic life, Please Help!Collapse )
Current Mood: scaredscared

Welcome to Couch Therapy Mar. 8th, 2004 @ 12:00 am
dr_dante
Greetings people of the cyberworld. I'm your host, Dr. Dante.

This is a place for you to sit back, relax and tell me what's on your mind. I am here to assist you in living a better life, or easing your mind merely because, this is what I enjoy. You can think of me as an oracle, a teacher, a therapist, whichever you wish. Although unlike my coherts Dr. Phil and Dr. Drew, you don't have to wait in line. Some suggested areas of discussion are in my info. Most anything is fair game. If you'd like my opinion on a particular matter, just ask. Just don't ask anything too personal to me, as I prefer to remain as undefined as possible, hence securing some sense of objectivity. This community is relatively new with few members, but please help it grow. Don't shy away if you've stumbled across it accidently. I look forward to your inquiries.

-Dr. Dante

PS: Every question is scanned before posting because I don't allow trolls and flaming.
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